You made me cry and you don't even care
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
