The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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