Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
