My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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