haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
