So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
