There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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