I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
only you would photoshop your dick
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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