I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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