I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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