Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
