Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
you made out with another girl for some wings
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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