his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
