I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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