she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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