my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
