what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
