??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
