Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
