Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
