sarcasm needs its own font
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
