butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
