You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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