he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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