I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
