it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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