I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Shame - the story of my life.
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