Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
