I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
