Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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