Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
