He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
