Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
