If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
