Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize