GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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