I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
