Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
