party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
