Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
