the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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