i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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