they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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