If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
