Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
