all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
