The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
