Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
