New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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