Only a mothe r could love this liver
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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