it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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