Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
They have beer where we have blood.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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