it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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