I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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