do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
