so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
